The Smurf Song

One of the skills that supports neurotypical functioning might be described as ‘social deference.’  It refers to the way people unconsciously recognize and conform to social norms having to do with eye contact, body language, external appearance (make-up, cleanliness, wardrobe), power-relations, polite but meaningless ‘small talk,’ and what counts as a ‘joke.’  The fact that it’s largely unconscious is exactly why it is so effective as a vehicle for learning, cooperation, and social cohesion.  People naturally go with the flow of what everyone else is doing, whether that social activity amounts to building, producing, buying, going to war, or burning people at the stake. 

            To me, it is as if there were a song, like a march or work-song, that everyone else can hear.  This song coordinates their movements and their actions.  They swing their hammers in time, walk and eat in unison, and generally perform their lives on a certain shared register.  Not that that form of life is always smooth, cooperative and friendly.  But people’s behaviors are mutually intelligible.  I may think you are a prick, but I know what kind of prick you are, and I have some guesses as to why.  For better or worse, this silent rhythm guides, constrains, and gives a sense of meaning to social interactions.  People know what is expected, whether or not they actually meet those expectations to everyone’s satisfaction. 

            Now imagine that someone stumbles on to the stage who doesn’t hear this music.  He watches what everyone else is doing and attempts to follow along, but is always a split-second too late or early.  He appears clumsy, awkward, or downright rude.  He seems to have no appreciation or respect for ‘the way things are done.’  How does this person appear to others, given that they don’t know the underlying truth: this person is deaf to the music.  This music is so constant, so pervasive, that the idea that someone simply couldn’t hear it would be unimaginable, not even a rejected possibility.  And how does it appear to the one who doesn’t hear it- what does it take for him to realize what has gone wrong. How long will he feel like there is simply Whatever else comes with being neurodivergent, the core of the experience seems to be the sense that one is in some indefinable way different and separate from others.  something wrong with him, before he begins to understand what he lacks?  This sense of a glass wall between oneself and others, so that you are both isolated and exposed. 

            My guess is that most neurotypical people get their religion in much the same way that they learn social cues: implicitly and unconsciously.  Archetypal and existential themes are simply present in their lives, supplied in films, TV, and the news.  They may or may not go to church, but they also have other ways of hearing and participating in symbolic words and activities.  People eat good food because they are hungry and like rich flavors – not because they understand anything about nutrition or biology.  Just so, people have a craving for meaning that is more or less adequately met by their environment.  If they happen to live in a food desert, or a spiritual desert, they will suffer, whether or not they understand why. 

            In this sense, maybe autistic people have an advantage.  I have felt like I lived in a spiritual desert my whole life.  Now, people can ship in food and water if they know what to order.  Just so, people who feel starved for spirituality, meaning and peace can bring those things into their lives, if they know what to ask for.  In this sense, you can think of the Empyrean deck as a shopping list.  These are the things your soul needs in order to be healthy and whole.